As noted on the previous page, Motivational Interviewing is about change. More precisely, it is about helping others strengthen their motivation to commit to positive change via their own reasons for change. Huh? Let's start from the beginning.

The Aspiration: Change

Most of us desire to make some change in our lives at one time or another. We may want to lose weight, stop smoking, curtail drinking, limit spending, stop gambling, start a meditation routine, clean the closet, or walk the dog. Sound familiar? It's simple to declare a desire to make a change, but not so easy to carry it out.

Transition-aged youth with disabilities also have aspirations for positive change. They may desire to stop participating in risky behavior that, left unchecked, will derail their goals. They may wish to do what it takes to graduate from high school, be the first in their family to attend college, or get a job. However, they may lack the insight and confidence necessary to change. The MI approach is the ultimate change agent, building insight and confidence. However, before we can help them or ourselves make positive change, we must be on the lookout for the close associates of change: ambivalence, avoidance, discomfort, and resistance. One is a friend of change, and the others are foes.

Ambivalence

On the one hand, we want to make a change. On the other hand, we don't want to give up the behavior. Often, we're somewhere in between, like reading a fitness magazine while eating donuts. "Tomorrow is a new day," we say, "I'll start then!" Tomorrow comes. Tomorrow goes. We declare tomorrow a new day. Eat more donuts. Repeat.

That tension between what we aspire to and the pull to continue what we currently do is ambivalence. When we're sitting "on the fence," we feel stuck. It is not comfortable, yet we stay stuck.

Avoidance

Why do we continue to sit on the fence if it's uncomfortable? Because there's a payoff. If I continue to spend, smoke, or overeat, I can avoid the real problem and the uneasy feelings associated with it. Avoidance of discomfort is the payoff. All addiction, it has been said, is about avoidance. Uh, oh.

Resistance

Old habits die hard. When faced with discomfort and indecision, we may confide our struggles in others. If we're lucky, we confide in somebody who accepts us as we are and validates our struggle, even if they disagree with us. In doing so, they create a safe space wherein we gain clarity, argue for our own change, and feel empowered to move toward that change. Those people are like unicorns. They are rare.

More often than not, we confide in people who care about us and find our discomfort uncomfortable for them, too. It's painful to see someone you care about suffer. Likewise, they may move to "fix" the problem. You know you're with a fixer by their language. They say things like "What you should do is…" or "What you need to do is…" You come away feeling invalidated and frustrated. An exchange with a fixer may sound something like this:

Fixer: "What you should do is.....and then you need to do this...."

You: "I don't need you to tell me what I should do! I just needed somebody to listen!"

Fixer: "Whoa, pal! You said you were (insert problem here), and I told you what fixes that problem. Problem over. Done!"

You: "*&%$# you!"

When people push or "should "on us, we typically push back. Worse yet, instead of arguing for our own positive change, we argue to defend the status quo, like justifying the massive consumption of donuts because we're too stressed, tired, overworked, or have too little time to diet and exercise. We resist the thing we need most: change. Thanks a lot, Fixers.

Discomfort

Eventually, our discomfort with our current situation may become unbearable, tipping the scales in favor of change. The adage "I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired" applies here. Discomfort becomes our teacher, guiding us toward change or, at the very least, getting us to contemplate change. Discomfort is a friend of change.

Next

Now that we've acquainted ourselves with the friends and foes of desired change, let's further acquaint ourselves with a great foe slayer and change agent: motivational interviewing (MI). Specifically, we'll seek to understand MI's inception, effectiveness, underlying philosophy (spirit), and foundational skills.