Introduction

For most students with disabilities, parents are their first trusted advisors. For parents, children are their first priority. Parents’ concerns must be respected, and their participation must be encouraged. After all, who knows best what youth with disabilities need or what works best for them besides the students themselves? Parents want the best for their children.

Anticipating their fears, encouraging their participation, and sharing their desire to provide a meaningful future for their children can put parents at ease. Conveying these assurances will let parents know that they and the counselor are members of the same support team.

Common Misunderstandings, Apprehensions & Concerns of Parents

To work well with parents, counselors must first anticipate their concerns, apprehensions, and misunderstandings. Below are some common parental concerns and behaviors encountered by VR counselors.

Misunderstandings and Apprehensions About VR

Parents often arrive at the intake meeting knowing very little about Vocational Rehabilitation. Or their understanding of the program may be inaccurate. For example, they may think VR is a program solely for those requiring rehabilitation from addiction or a day treatment program solely for those living with intellectual disabilities. In either situation, they may express frustration that they felt obliged to attend a meeting regarding a program that may not be appropriate for their child.

On the other hand, some eagerly accept an invitation to the meeting because they have been led to believe that VR is a college scholarship program or that VR has a ready supply of jobs for those who apply.

Additionally, some are apprehensive about government programs, fearing intrusion into their private lives or the misuse of information gathered by the program.

Concerns of Parents About Disability

Some parents may not agree that their child lives with a disability. Others may acknowledge that something is awry but not understand why. In the former case, what appears to be denial may be fear that others will underestimate their child’s abilities. In the latter, parents may be desperate for answers and help.

Behaviors of Parents

Some parents underestimate their child’s abilities, while others may overestimate them. In the first case, it’s essential to respectfully challenge what may be an artificial ceiling via supportive opportunities to try work. In the other case, it’s good to follow the parents’ lead—as they know their child best—until more than one opportunity to try work proves otherwise.

Some parents may be disengaged, failing to attend meetings or return signed applications or releases of information. Other parents may be overly engaged, trying to control the path their child takes or doing for their children what their children should be doing for themselves. The first scenario is heartbreaking, and the second is a good problem to have: investment beats absence.

Building Trust with Parents

The following tips will help you build trust and collaborative working relationships with the parents of students with disabilities.

Be Clear, Be Consistent, and Keep Your Word

Parents of youth with disabilities are likely to be consumed with concern regarding their child’s future. Making sense of a flood of bureaucratic information from that place is difficult. Likewise, it is critical to be clear and concise when explaining the program, eligibility criteria, timelines, and services.

Speak enthusiastically about the program, highlighting its focus on helping youth create meaningful vocational futures. Help them see the services by providing examples relevant to their child. Resist the urge to give too much detail or to dazzle them with all you know. Keep it simple.

Then, know this: even if you are clear and concise, they may need additional clarification. Do them a favor! Write a note summarizing what you discussed for them to take home.

Focus on Strengths & Strategies

The complexities of disability and the judgment of others are the barriers parents contend with daily. Likewise, they may come to the meeting feeling defensive. Assuring them that you have their child’s best interest at heart and then enforcing that by focusing on their child’s strengths will allay their defensiveness.

When you must ask about the negative aspects of disability, such as gathering information for eligibility, let students and parents know the reason for such questions and that it will be temporary. Whenever possible, tie disability barriers to possible accommodations, making room for hope.

Finding opportunities to affirm parents’ strengths will also validate them. In an environment of validation, parents are more inclined to collaborate with the counselor to benefit the student.

Seek Permission

Typically, parents know their children best. Likewise, it’s essential to seek their input. Yet, in recognition of the student’s emerging adult status, it’s important to demonstrate commensurate respect for the student. Before asking for parental input in front of the student, ask the student, “Is it okay with you if I ask your parent/s to share their thoughts or concerns?” While students may be apprehensive, they will likely permit it because you have demonstrated that their feelings count. The parents, too, will benefit from this modeling of respect: what you do for my child, you do for me.

Seeking permission first sets a tone of mutual respect and builds trust.

Show Empathy First, Educate Second

As the adage goes, people don’t care what you know unless they know you care. Moreover, accepting students and their parents as they are and where they are is essential because acceptance is the magic fertilizer from which positive change grows. Likewise, showing genuine interest, concern, and acceptance is important. In this environment, students and parents are more likely to receive and act upon suggestions.